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What Now The Future Brings
by Vickey Brickle-Macky 10/21/2000
Part 2
Xena roused herself from her thoughts and noticed that the moon was quite a ways above the tree tops now and the fire was burning down and he still hadn't returned. Stiffly she got up and added a few more pieces of wood to the fire before heading in the direction Ares had gone earlier. She found him finally almost at the same spot that she had been before dinner, sitting down in the tall grass staring out across the moonlit waters. He was aware of her, but didn't turn as she approached.
"Can I join you or do you want to be left alone?" she asked, stopping her approach, waiting for his response.
Ares shrugged his shoulders, "if you want. Surprised you're not crashed out already and not giving me the silent treatment like everyone else is," he said with a sigh, motioning her to sit if she wanted to next to him.
She did come closer and sat down cross legged in the grass close to him. "Not ready to sleep. And I think you and I need to talk."
He sat with his long leather clad legs drawn up almost to his chin and his bare arms wrapped around them. Turning to her he nodded and looked at her, cocking his head a little, but there was none of the usual arrogance, just a sort of resigned defeat mixed with curiosity in his dark eyes. "Yeah, I know. I been sort of bracing myself for it," he replied quietly.
"It's not that bad, Ares. I just want to thank you again for what you did saving Eve and Gabriella. I understand why you did it. I just have trouble accepting you did do it, if that makes any sense?" she said, hoping she wasn't putting her foot in her mouth.
He chuckled a little over that. "It does. I'm still having troubles with what happened myself. Still questioning whether I did the right thing or not--and still I keep coming up with the same answer--yes. I would have done the same thing under the same circumstances. I just wouldn't have let the circumstances gotten as far out of hand as they did so it wouldn't have had come down to their lives and yours . . . versus my family's," he told her sincerely, with a slight catch in his voice that he tried to hide but couldn't.
"I didn't want to fight them--I never wanted to fight them. I just had no choice. Athena wouldn't give me a choice, none of you would. I killed Hades, and Hestiva, gods I cared about and had fought for against their enemies. But everyone turned on me because of that damned prophecy. . . . All I wanted was to be left alone, and to keep my child alive," Xena said sadly, picking at a blade of grass by her feet.
"I know. I tried to tell Athena that, but she was just as stubborn and paranoid as Zeus had been over Eve. Some goddess of Wisdom she was. She just wouldn't let it go. I'm going to miss her and everyone else. I wonder if even gods when they die go to the Eulslyan Fields. Never did have a chance to ask Hades that, now I can't--," he said with a moan, biting his lip, to keep the tears back as it all started catching up to him.
Xena didn't know how to answer him on that, but she did reach over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, feeling him shiver under her touch and drew him to her into her arms. Ares didn't resist, didn't go all macho, I can handle this, because he did need her, he did need her strength and love to help him sort through these overwhelming human emotions he was feeling. This time he was fully mortal, fully human with all that entailed including human emotions he didn't know how to deal with. And the ex-god cried in her arms, letting lose all the pain, grief, anger, and myriad other emotions over everything in his long life--what mortals had done in his name, the loss of his family, fellow gods, thinking she was dead and losing her for years, regrets over his behavior with her, what he had done to Eve, Gabrielle, and uncountable other things she would never be able to gasp even awareness of. Only with her did he feel safe enough to let all of it go, only with her did he have that kind of trust to let himself be open and vulnerable, and know too that she could understand him, and help him to understand himself.
She just held him and let him go, knowing he needed to do this, even though he was going to hate himself in the morning for it--it had to be let out here and now and not fester. Finally after a while he began to quiet, though the grip on her never lessened. She ran her hand through his thick, short, raven locks, and planted gentle kisses on his head. Slowly he raised his tear stained dark eyes to hers, a little embarrassed, but calmer than she had ever seen him. She returned his look with love, acceptance and understanding. "Are you okay," she asked, keeping her worries for him out of her voice.
"I think so," he managed to say, his throat a little raw. "So this what being fully mortal is like--it sucks," he said braving a wan smile to her as he wiped the wetness from his face with the back of his hand.
Xena took over gently wiping his tears away with part of her cloak, giving him a reassuring smile. "Yeah it does, but it's not all bad. You never got the full package before. But it does have it's benefits too," she added.
He quirked a dark eyebrow on that, "yeah, like what pain? Grief? Anger?--I'm real familiar with those already. I just notice that they feel a little different, somehow sharper than before," he admitted, turning himself to lie his head fully in her lap while she stoked his hair.
"They always seemed to me to be sharper too, that's why I fought you so hard to stay mortal. I just didn't want to lose my feelings, and whatever it is that makes me, me. As an immortal I didn't feel that way, but I could never get you to understand that," she sighed, looking down at him and seeing for once he was really understanding what she was saying.
"I am beginning to understand now though what you kept trying to tell me. On a lot of things over the years, I have been rather dense," he admitted with a grin, reaching up and lightly running a finger along the underside of her chin when she did not flinch back from his touch. "I promise I will try and listen to you when you think I'm going to do something dumb. And I know I do dumb things, and act out of anger not thinking. I can't do that now. I remember all to well the last time I tried to behave like a god in a mortal's body--it doesn't work too well," he laughed grimly.
"No, it doesn't. So what are you going to do?" she asked, not seeing any subtle way to ask, as his finger started traveling down her neck. She wasn't minding his touch and was actually enjoying it. Immortal or mortal, he was still Ares, and she was still willing to give him chances, and still had hopes they could work it out and not get into some stupid fight like they always did as she did still love him.
He sighed at her question, "I really don't know. This wasn't something I had a lot of time to think about. Right now I am just winging it, like everyone else seems to be doing. I've been trying to think of opinions of what I can do. The only thing I do know is that we all need to keep a low profile until we get out of the neighborhood. So far none of my family's priests and priestess have come after us, but I figure it's just a matter of time. I may have been the God of War, but even you know I'm no real warrior when I'm mortal," he told her truthfully.
"Yeah, I had been thinking that too. You can fight, but only to a point. You don't have all the reflexes and moves you did have. You're going to have to learn to defend yourself as a mortal. At least you're being honest about the situation, that's a step. But it's Eve and Gabrielle I'm really worried about. They aren't in any shape to fight anyone right now. Eve won't even pick up a sword. I'm not sure what to do with her if we do get attacked. It scares me," he told him honestly, letting her own guard down, letting the barriers between them go down. He was being honest with her so he deserved the same.
"I know. I've been watching them both and worrying too. There's a lot of fiction between them, just over you, over what has happened--I won't even get into how they both hate my guts. I can't say I don't blame Gab for being pissed at Eve over Joxer's death--I liked the guy, a bit of dimwit at times but he cared and he tried even if he wasn't a real warrior. Aphrodite used to go check in on him and let me know how he was doing and even I'd drop by myself, but he didn't know. He got himself a good wife and kids too, and I made sure his village, and your mom's never got bothered after I thought you were dead," he told her.
She looked down at him rather incredulously, "you did that because of me?" real shock as well as tenderness in her voice. "Ares, I don't know what to say, except thank you," as she leaned down and kissed him in gratitude for that more than small favor.
And he didn't turn down her offered lips, as he met hers willingly with his hand reaching back to pull her head down to his. Their lips met gently, softly at first, and then with increasing intensity willing each other to feel what the other was feeling and then some. Her raven hair falling around them like a veil, brushing against his chest and arms. His other arm sought out her waist and she felt herself gently being pulled to him and she went gladly, with no resistance to lay her body on top of his upon the grass. The hand that had gripped her waist now traveled upwards along her side to work lose the straps that held her armor on. Those he knew how to take loose whether he was mortal or immortal, though right about now he still wished he had the power to make her clothing fall off or vanish with a thought. That had been a really handy thing in situations like this.
She was smiling under his kiss as he tried to get one side undone and couldn't, and she could tell he was getting frustrated, just a little. She decided he needed help before he got mad and broke the strap and she'd really be in a fix. Before he knew what was happening, Xena lifted up off of him, breaking their kiss, and was sitting up beside him to undo the buckles, sliding her armor off and her boots to be only clad in her under tunic, her robe going on the ground next to them like a blanket.
He sat up on his elbows watching her being both amused and pleased at the same time, not having had that great of hopes on anything happening between then except talking if even that.
Considering how rocky their relationship had been since she had defrosted, her behavior was really surprising him. He was afraid to question and break the spell, but there was a part of him that needed to know whether this was really what she wanted to do because she did love him or for other reasons. His pride still couldn't let him make love to her just because she was only grateful for what he had done for her. The old Ares would gave taken advantage, but he couldn't, not now. He wanted it to be right between them. No mistakes, no regrets, certainties of what they were going to do, and the directions this would change their lives.With some hesitation he spoke, "Xena, are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, meeting her eyes, wanting to read in those blue depths for himself the answer to his question.
She drew back puzzled as she was coming back to lay back down with him. "Yes, don't you?" she asked, really confused now.
"More than you'll ever know," he said, looking at her, his heart pounding now. "But I gotta know that you do want to do this because you love me and this isn't just a thank you lay," he said hoping he wasn't coming off all wrong and really blowing it.
Xena flinched at his choice of words, but yeah, a lot of it was because of the gratitude she felt. But she did love him too, and she had missed his arms being around her, holding, his kisses, just him when he was like this--human. Recovering her composure, she told him, " no, it's not. I do care about you. I want to put the past behind us, start over if we can, if it's possible."
"Maybe," he told her being honest, "I'd like that too, starting over if we can. I don't want to lose you again, but I don't want to hang around either if there's no hope either. I've done that for years. I just can't do it any more. I love you. Xena. I always have, and always will, and if that makes me a fool so be it. But that's how I feel. For me there is no one else," he said with a note of finality in his voice as he watched her sitting up next to her now, trying to gauge what she was thinking and feeling.
She shouldn't have been shocked by his words but she was, for he was out and out sincere with every word he meant, and he wasn't holding back. He was saying the words she had wanted to hear from him since the beginning of their relationship. The power and strength of his feelings, and the sheer love she could feel coming from him for her was overwhelming her, almost scaring her in it's intensity. But he'd also had twenty-five years plus for it to build up to these levels. She couldn't just blow him off, not now, because she was reading the cost to him to be this open with her in his eyes. It would kill him in more ways than one to turn him now. Though part of her was still questioning if they could they make it work? Did they have a real chance? She hoped so for both their sakes. It was her move now, and she needed to do something quickly before he gave up and closed himself off as she saw him starting to do because of her silence.
"I do love you too, Ares," she said, seeing him tense up. "And I do want you, and I want to make it work. There is still Gabrielle and Eve to worry about. Can you handle that as I just can't go off with you and just leave them behind? They are as much a part of me as you are. I wish it was simple, uncomplicated, just you and me but it's not, until they decide to go off on their own paths if they want to. I think there is hope for us, but it's going to take a lot of work if we ever want to be happy and not at each other's throats fighting," she told him, accepting what she was saying and not jumping up and flying off the handle.
"I kind of figured that, but as to Gab and Eve I've already accepted that they are part of the deal. It's all of you or nothing. I've learned that finally. We'll have our time together when we can, but now we all have to stick together to survive, be a family of sorts. Maybe you and I can have that kid I always wanted and this time you don't have to worry about me making him into some kind of god or taking him away," he said giving her a slight smile, letting her know it was okay.
"Him? Pretty sure of yourself, still. Could be a girl you know. And when were you so kid crazy?' she asked, facing him returning his smile relaxing.
He cocked his head amused, and shook it slightly because she really didn't know him. "Been that way, you just never noticed. I remember how I felt holding Eve when she was little, talking and playing with her, watching you feeding and caring for her, listening to you and Gab tell her stories and singing to her. I love hearing you sing--I really missed that. You were so happy, you had this kind of glow about you then. It was so wonderful to watch and share in when you would let me. I always wanted you to have my children, Xena, and not because of any power plays or future plans, just because they would have been ours, out of our love, because we cared enough to make a child together," he said taking her hand in his, clasping it to his chest where his heart was. "Love me, Xena. Let me make love to you," he asked his voice soft and love and full of desire for her.
She didn't grab her hand back and let him hold it "Ares. . . ," she wasn't sure what to say to his heart tugging plea as he was getting to her, he always did. "Gods, why do you always make it so hard?" she asked looking into his soulful, hopeful dark eyes that were tearing at the strings of her heart, melting it.
He smiled at little at her, "because it always is that way between us. I love you and I will keep repeating it to you forever if need be until you finally accept and believe how much I care. Even if we don't make love--I'll be a tad disappointed, but I will accept it, I will still be here for you no matter what, whenever you decide you want me," he told her, taking her hand and kissing it, then turning it over to kiss her palm which sent shivers through her.
He was getting to her bad, she did want him, and resisting him was getting harder and harder. If she did step over the line would she be committing herself or not, she didn't know? But she did know he was. Old Ares "love and leave them" was willing to commit himself body and soul to her all the way, and it wasn't a line, it was for real. But was she willing to step over the line all the way and commit to him wholeheartedly? Commit yes, wholeheartedly--that was another thing. There were still a lot of doubts and reservations and then there was Gabrielle. They were soul mates, at least that's what they kept being told, but she and Ares were tied together too and had been through time too as she knew this was not her first contact with him. They had been together in other lives besides this life.
"I know Ares, I am believing you this time. I don't know why I can't make up my mind... why it can't be easy," she said sadly, her emotions and feelings becoming more and more confused.
She looked at him trying not to see the God he had been, but the man he was now and what he was becoming and could become if she just gave him the chance. She was trying to figure out what he was feeling too, their eyes meeting across the short distance between them, both full of such mixed emotions, being scared, afraid on both sides, but wanting to love one another not for lust's sake, but for love's sake regardless of the risks of pain and hurt, wanting to heal the old wounds, and really let themselves lose themselves in one another. Bright sky blue eyes, meeting midnight depths wanting, longing, hoping not to be hurt again, wanting to be happy again to find joy again in their love. Their carrier wave was singing strongly between them pulling her closer to him. She reached out a hand and touched his face and saw hope reflected there. His hand reached out to touch her face and he saw forgiveness there, belief in him and the beginnings of trust.
She leaned forward as he did too, his hands grasped both sides of her face and brought her waiting lips to his to meet gently, lightly brushing them, feather light, and then he kissed her fully letting her feel what he was feeling for her, for them, and it intensified as she let loose her pent up feelings, merging together with his. Xena's arms went around his neck and she moved her body instinctively closer, wanting to be nearer to him. Holding back no longer, he crushed her to him, burying his face into her raven hair, "Xena,... gods, Xena, I love you," he half gasped, half moaned as he brushed the hair from her neck to plant kisses along it making her tingle more as he sought out her sensitive spots with his lips, tongue and slight nips of his teeth.
She let him lose himself in her however he wanted as they sank back to the earth intertwined and not holding back any longer. What remaining layers of clothes were quickly discarded in the tidewash of feelings overtaking them both. This was a battle of equals not of one trying to claim dominance over the other as so many of their trysts had been before. She had forgotten how wonderful his lean hard muscled body had felt. And there was a difference too in the feeling of this mortal body versus the god he had been as this was him, not some projection of what he wanted to be, just what he was and she was not being disappointed in the performance and lovemaking skills of the man.
He had thought he had felt it all as a god, but he was finding he hadn't even gotten close before. He had never made love as a mortal before, and was finding there were a lot of differences in sensations, textures, tastes and feelings. The difference of real solid flesh against real flesh, versus his pseudo flesh before--there wasn't any comparison now. He loved what he was feeling, and he was finding out what it was to be fully and truly alive in all senses of the word. Although, he was having to call on reserves of power within himself to keep up with her that he had never had to before. As a god she had worn him out-- not an easy task to do under any circumstances, but ohh what she was doing to him now--let her never stop--keep doing it, baby, keep doing it--don't stop, he mentally commanded, letting out a joyous moaning groan. She was going to kill him, he decided, but damn what a wonderful way to go, he smiled to himself as they soared higher and higher within their lovemaking. They came together at the highest point within a white hot blaze of light like nothing they had ever experienced before. A merging of two lost souls, binding together, fusing into one, so earth shattering in its incredible intensity for both that the joyous merging went on forever-- pain into pleasure and beyond to finally explode incredibly together in a blinding burst and then in the aftershock to drift back in gentle spiraling waves downward finally sated, satisfied fully bonded together in perfect love, bliss and joy to rest together nestled in each others arms.
The birds were beginning to sing and welcome the new day. It was becoming the first lightening of the rosy dawn sky when they both became aware of the approach of someone through the tall grass. Years of battle readiness kicked in as they both snapped to awareness at once, though more slowly to their state of undress and the close proximity to one another. She with her head laying on his chest while curled around him and his arms encircling her protectively possessively, his face nestled against the top of her head and her hair. Sometime during the night her cloak had been found and used as cover but their clothes were scattered around them. It was very obvious where and how they had spent the night, not that they were planning to keep it a secret anyway. The person stopped just short of them, probably having seen them and not needing to go any further to find them. The person either Gabrielle or Eve, they could not see from their angle up the hill through the grass. However, they both could feel mixed emotions of anger, irritation, and disgust as well as deep bone crushing sorrow radiating from the observer. Whichever one it was was silent. They never said a word, just a dismayed sigh could be heard on the wind and their visitor quickly turned around and left walking back the way they had come hurriedly then running through the tall grasses not to camp but angling off to the right instead.
Xena pulled away from Ares who looked almost bemused by what had just happened. She sat up, looked around, then located her shift a little ways from her on the ground and began putting it on. "Ares, get up and get dressed. We've got to find out who it was," she told him visibly upset now as she began putting on her armor and other pieces of her outfit.
"Why?" he asked, shaking his head, not comprehending her rush to go after whoever had stumbled deliberately or accidentally upon them. She glared at him over her shoulder as she reached for her boots and began putting them on.
"I need to talk to them--explain," Xena replied, not believing that he couldn't comprehend what was wrong.
No, he still wasn't getting it, but he was also dealing with women who generally were touchy about such things. He was beginning to wake up enough to at least get an inkling of the problem and was hoping it was not going escalate into something major. "What is there to explain? I'm sure it was pretty obvious what happened. We were going to have to say something to them today--weren't we?" he asked wondering if she was getting cold feet already and they were going to end up in a fight over this because what they had done in love was going to ruffle someone else's feathers and feelings. After last night he was more determined than ever not to lose her and do whatever it would take to stay with her.
She sighed unhappily, "yes, but after you and I did some talking and we both figured out what to say to them. I didn't want this to happen. It's going to be hard enough explaining as it is," she said, standing up and looking down at hi expectantly waiting for him to do something besides lay there watching her.
"Maybe, maybe not. Gabrielle should have figured something like this might have happened. Eve--I dunno, she's kept her distance since you came back and I had a talk with her over you. I made it clear you come first always with me," he told her looking up to meet her eyes and let her know he was telling her the truth on this. Reluctantly he sat up, then stood up, reaching for his pants and began dressing.
"I'm still having problems with you and Eve. I know you didn't know--still, it bothers me. Like somehow you should have," Xena told him turning away a little looking off in the direction the person ran off to.
"I'm not all seeing and all knowing like my Dad and even he could be fooled by mortals. We aren't infallible, especially me. And in her I saw another you, but not you. I don't want substitutes, I want you and only you. If it's any constellation I feel really rotten over it, okay? I wish I could undo what happened. When I found out Livia was Eve it shook me up bad, real bad. And I wasn't used to those kind of feeling either. I still think of Eve as your little baby I held in my arms and tried to protect," he told her sincerely. "I look at Eve and still see Livia, I'm not adjusting too well yet and all I see is a broken women, a broken warrior. But I am trying to see her as your lost daughter, I really am," he added finishing dressing.
Xena believed him on this. he was being sincere--he really hadn't known, hadn't even been able to entertain the possibility of Eve being alive after the death scene Xena had staged. The only hitch to their plans had been Ares taking her and Gabriella bodies to the ice mountain and entombing them. That was something they had never figured on, his intervention. If it had gone as planned Octavus would have collected their bodies, taken them elsewhere, then they would have woke up, and disappeared from Greece with Eve to live in quiet obscurity. However, it had had all happened the way it had for some greater purpose then any of them were seeing yet including the Gods, and somehow they would all have to adjust to the changes that had happened.
She did have to agree with him that Eve was a broken woman and warrior, and she wasn't sure how to repair her. "I'm glad you can see her as that. Out of curiosity how long have you known her?" she asked needing to know somehow.
The questioned started him and he looked at her strangely. "Almost ten years off and on, Why?" he questioned, puzzled.
"Since she was fifteen?" Xena asked, thinking that was about the first time she had encountered Ares herself. She wondered what her daughter had been like then and what drew his notice to her. "How did you meet?" she asked wanting to know how and when her child had become this blood thirst killer.
He shrugged, "Octavus and taken her to Greece for some inspection tour--I forget what and while she was Athens she came to my temple. He had already been training her since she was seven or so with weapons, but she was not happy with her progress. She wanted to be a great warrior, someone feared and respected. You were her ideal, she wanted to be like you except better. Since had been born she had grown up on listening about your battles and adventures. So she prayed to me asking to become a warrior like you and I answered her as I did you when you asked." Ares told her simply. "As far as I knew she was just another Xena wannabe, just like the hundreds or so that asked me the same thing over and over after your death. There was a difference in her that I hadn't sensed in other girls, a potential to be like you that interested me and I began to watch over her and guide her."
Xena could understand that. She hadn't been the only woman warrior to catch his attention over the years or the only one to come to his temple for guidance. She felt a tinge of jealousy but quickly damped that down. "What was she liked then?" she asked, the mother wanting to know as they began walking through the tall grass in the direction the woman had vanished.
He looked thoughtful trying to remember the girl then and smiled. "She was very beautiful and reminded me of you then. I guess that's what stuck in my mind about her. The resemblance. In the beginning, she was good kid, actually kind of sweet natured and loving, wanting to please everyone and hating to fail at anything. Some of the guys she worked out with had told her she wasn't good enough, or tough enough to be a real warrior, and it got her furious. So she came to me to ask for help to be a real warrior, and to make her tough and uncaring as that was how she thought a warrior had to be. I tried to talk her out of it, tried to tell her that you hadn't been. That your strength had been in that you cared about people, but she wouldn't listen, and she insisted that she had didn't need to feel, that only the victories mattered. She then went out of her way in her mind to prove herself by doing blood sacrifices in my name," he said sadly, hoping Xena would forgive him his part in Livia's creation as a blood thirsty monster.
Xena nodded numbly believing him, because he wouldn't lie to her on something this important. So now she knew how it had started. Eve had approached him, not vice versa. It had been a conscious choice on her part, not cohesion. She had been following Callisto's old path not hers it seems. And where had Callisto been? Why hadn't she seen what was happening and tried to intervene. Why had this child been allowed to go down this path at all? Callisto had been fueled by rage and revenge, but there were no similar motives for Eve that she knew about.
"And she wouldn't listen to you?" she asked with a deep sigh as they walked up the hill towards the tree line. At least it was getting light and they could see now.Ares shook his head as he went through his memories. "Nope, she did for a while, but she liking killing, liked the blood, liked to see people cringe and beg for mercy. Hell, she was scaring me. She was worse than Callisto had been at times, and Callisto was pretty bad," he replied with shame, remembering his part in creating that monster too.
"We were both responsible for Callisto. I set her in motion, you just helped her along. She went from warrior to goddess and now she some sort of heavenly being, an angel, supposedly redeemed for all time--I still don't understand it even though I was there and came back from that other place," she said, still surprised that she had been allowed to come back.
"You seem to have a habit of coming back from the dead--what does this make--the second, third, fourth time?" he inquired.
"Third, I think not really sure any more. Each time I think it's final--I wake up and I'm back. Each time changed from what I was. I'm not even sure what is happening to me anymore and why this keeps happening?" she told him honestly as she scanned ahead to see if she could see anyone or anything.
"And I see the changes in you--not bad but there's differences--good differences. I like them," he told her, surprising her completely.
"You do? I thought you liked the old warrior me better."
"Maybe years ago, but not now. Plus I've had years to think about it, and you. You were never out of my mind, Xena. I used to go visit you and Gab a lot on the ice mountain, talk to you, hoping it was all some terrible dream, and we'd all wake up, and things would get back to normal. And I swore if there was anyway you could return I'd make it all right between you and me, no matter what it took. I didn't know I'd actually get my wish and you would come back," he grinned at her, happy and still in wonder of her being restored to him.
"If things had worked out they way they were supposed to I would have been back sooner and Eve wouldn't have become Livia, or it really would have been over my dead body. I still am trying to adjust to being twenty-five years ahead of myself while the world went on without me. You at least lived those missing years --I didn't and now I have to adjust to a world I don't even know." she replied, stopping and looking at him. "I believe you when you say you want to make it right, but that's going to take time, just don't push. Right now, I just want to find who ran off like they did. Maybe it would be better if you went back to camp and see who is still there."
Ares stood there and looked at her puzzled, then just shrugged not understanding why she didn't want him coming along, "All right, I don't understand why, but if you think it would be better," he said agreeing, not sure what she was up to.
"Yeah, maybe I need to talk to who ever it was that ran off and they might not want to talk if you're there," she told him honestly with a tinge of regret in her voice.
He nodded agreeing with her for once. When it came to Gabrielle and Eve they would rather talk without him around. He was tolerated that was it. He and Xena getting together was the one thing neither of them wanted and he was very aware of it. He just hoped after whatever talk went on, Xena wouldn't get cold feet about them, not now, not after last night. He also had enough sense not to get possessive or demanding with her either--how many fights and arguments had been because he felt like he owned her? He'd had twenty-five years to go over every argument, every disagreement, every stupid mistake he had made with her--and there had been too many to count for him to do another stupid thing and blow it when he actually might win this time if he kept his temper and tongue. "Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Neither one of them is going to be too happy with us as it is. But I'm not sorry last night happened and I hope you're not having regrets---are you?" he questioned, trying to read her expression and not having much luck.
"I... don't know, sorry Ares. Yesterday, everything seemed so crystal clear and now... I'm not sure after last night," she said truthfully. "It's not that I don't care for you. I do, and I can't kept telling myself I don't. It's just that I also care about Gabrielle and Eve too. Part of me is wondering if you and I can stand to stay together and make it work. Then I am wondering too, what they are going to do or want to do. For me, life just got more complicated." Xena apologized, hoping he could comprehend how last night had changed a lot of things for her. Though there was part of her didn't care if he did understand what was going on her mind right now.
He had been bracing for this, her sort of backing out. He wanted to lose patience with her but he knew if he did he could kiss off them having a life together, so he bit his tongue. "Xena, don't have to explain," he said finally looking at how lost she looked now, and knew if he pushed now she would skitz into the opposite direction so he took another tack. "I've waited all this time and I can wait longer if I need to. I want you to be happy with whatever decision you make," he said sincerely coming over to where she stood not believing he was being so reasonable and caring.
He took her hand and kissed it, his soft dark eyes meeting her startled sky blue ones. "Xena, I love you. And I will keep telling you that as many times as I have to make you see that I really do. All I want is for you to be happy. If it's with me, great if not...I'll figure out how to deal with it," he told her sincerely.
Xena's eyes got wide at the latter part of his statement, not sure whether to believe him or not, But his eyes told her he was telling the truth and he never could lie to her and not on something like this. "Ares, we'll figure some way to work all of this out, I promise," she said touching his face, her resolve crumbling again.
Ares gave her a slight smile in return and bridged the gap between them and pulled her to him, his arms around her waist as hers went around his as he kissed her gently on her lips. "I know. In the meantime you have to go do some talking to Gabrielle and I guess I do too, to Eve," he said looking over Xena's shoulder, seeing Eve coming down the hill approaching them looking none too happy at their intimate closeness. Xena broke away as if shot as she heard Eve's name mentioned, and turned to meet her.
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